Difficult conversations with grace are those that involve unpleasant topics or situations, often causing uncomfortable reactions. These conversations are called difficult because they need careful handling with diplomacy and tact. If not managed well, they can harm relationships or make the situation worse. It is important to approach difficult conversations thoughtfully to avoid escalating the conflict and to maintain healthy interactions.
Broadly speaking there are three types of Difficult Conversations:
1. The what happened conversation:
This revolves around people disagreeing on how they saw a situation or the facts surrounding a situation.
2. The feelings conversation:
This conversation involves people voicing their feelings and due to its emotional nature, it can be difficult to handle.
3. The identity conversation:
This happens when the sense of self is challenged e.g., when feedback isn’t taken well.
Why are they termed difficult conversations?
Once we understand why conversations are termed difficult it becomes easier for us to resolve them. A few criteria that determine the nature of the conversation as difficult are:
1. Emotional nature:
Difficult conversations require diplomacy and tact for them to be resolved successfully. However, the underlying emotions often surface out causing an outburst of emotions which can delay the process of resolution.
2. Conflicting goals:
When people are talking about different outcomes with passion, it can quickly turn into a conflict. This happens primarily because neither of the parties is willing to negotiate and think their goal is the only goal worth achieving. This scenario is very common in workplaces when setting up targets.
It could often reach a place where any further conversation cannot be held ultimately defeating the entire purpose of the conversation.
3. Communication Process:
A lot of the miscommunication happens due to errors in the communication process. Contributing factors could be trying to rush the conversation or failure to listen attentively to understand the opinion of the other person.
This could create further conflicts that add up to the initial conflict and aggravate the entire matter.
4. Fear of the outcome:
Another barrier that can make conversation difficult to handle is if a person is afraid of the outcomes. Perhaps they are not happy with the way the conversation is proceeding or with the likely outcome. It could give them a sense of defeat and they might not be ready for it. This could make them passive or cold communicators creating a “hangman” “-like situation where no end goal is achieved.
Why do we have them?
Why is it important to have such conversations despite the unusual nature of it?
The main idea behind these conversations is the need to resolve an issue at hand. Perhaps it becomes impossible to move ahead without having a solution to this issue. Or the issue must have been so persistent that every other method of negotiation has failed and now the only way out is to talk it out.
It allows for both parties to state their facts, understand that of the other, have a dialogue and hopefully arrive at a mutually agreeable decision.
Steps to handle them with grace:
1. Preparation is key:
Identify the reasons you seek to have this conversation and identify the key points that need to be addressed. This way you have a set of pointers in your head that need to be spoken allowing no room for the discussion to go haywire or be diverged from these main points.
This preparation also involves being prepared for the emotions that may get involved or the chances of the conversation going in a direction that is not ideal for you.
2. Use the Sandwich method:
One of the best ways to navigate any conflict has always been to use the sandwich method. Think of it as a bad news preceded by a good news and ended with a good news.
This way you start on a good note, telling the other person something you are glad of, then come to the part that needs to be addressed and once that is done end on a good note. This allows for emotions to be controlled and the overall memory to be a good one. This method is most efficient for achieving the desired outcomes, addressing any conflicts while also keeping the relations intact.
3. Manage emotions:
This part also requires emotional intelligence. If you or someone you are engaging in a conversation with is prone to be emotionally involved then be prepared to handle them well.
If it is you then remind yourself to regulate your emotions in a healthy manner, ask for a breather when you need and resume the conversation once you are level-headed.
If someone else is getting hyped up or their emotions are taking the better of them, then allow them some time to cool off and gather their thoughts before res
4. Seek a closure:
Keep the end goal in mind i.e., solving the issue at hand. Do not divert from the topics and aim to solve it amicably.
Using all these tips you are sure to handle difficult conversations effectively and maintain relationships.
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